Home sweet home (kinda)

I always knew I was going to leave home, long before I had any idea of where I would go. I knew that I wanted to see what the world was outside of Port Neches, Texas. Going to school in Austin provided the best escape I could think of. I was an immature 18 year old who was confident she could survive on her own, but only 4.5 hours from home in case things went wrong. The second I got to Austin, I loved it. UT is the only school I applied for, and the only place I considered attending.

I’ve never regretted my decision. I love the person that Austin has made me. I love the life I’ve created here in the last four years. But, it doesn’t feel like my long-term home. Nothing has felt like a true home to me in a very long time. 

Port Neches, at one point, did feel like a comfortable home. That feeling of home no longer exists for me, and it’s taken me a long time to not be bitter about it. I hated home for so many years. Covid hit my freshman year of college, just as I was getting into the swing of things in Austin, and suddenly I was back in my childhood bedroom. And that made me hate home even more. 

Now, I’m at a big point in my life where I need to decide where I want to be after graduation. This has caused me to think about the idea of home a lot. But, let’s be honest, I am always thinking about and searching for the idea of home. It’s the theme that spans most of these blog posts. 

I never considered moving back to Southeast Texas after graduation. Logistically, it doesn’t make sense for me. But, I no longer have hate for the place where I grew up. Despite its (many) flaws, it’s the place that made me. And now, with some time and distance between us, I have a lot of love for Port Neches. Not the explosion or the controversies, but I love being down the street from my grandma, eating at my dad’s restaurants, and going to my favorite brewery with my mom. 

Austin will always be a place I come back to, and I’ll miss it a lot when I’m gone. It took care of me in my earliest years of adulthood. I’ve just never really seen myself staying here long term.

This is all to say: I think I’m going to move to London this summer. Temporarily! Just for a year. (I promise, Dad.) I felt more at home in London this past summer than I have in a very long time. So, while I can, I’m going to take advantage of that feeling. 

Logistically, I have a gap year before I go to law school. I also have no clue where I’ll end up for law school. So why put down roots when I have no idea where I’ll be? London makes the most sense, honestly. It also sounds the most fun.