I’ve cried 81 times this year (so far)

Hi hi hi. Happy holidays! Another year (almost) in the books and I have an overwhelming amount of thoughts and feelings about it all. I’ve cried 81 times this year (so far). And, if you’re curious, this is an accurate number. I’ve been keeping a list. I realize this is actually insane—the list and the number. 

Overall, I’d say it was an above average year for crying. I took the LSAT twice and cried 11 times over it. I moved away from everyone I know and love, and there were a lot of tears involved. And as I sit here and attempt to justify my 81 cries, trust me I do understand this is just an above average amount in general. 

I turned 22, graduated college, moved to London, applied to law schools. Each experience deserved tears for one reason or another. Equally as important, I also cried over the closing of Cain and Abel’s, during the Scream 6 movie, and in Mandola’s Italian Kitchen. What can I say! I feel every emotion deeeeep in my bones, big and small, and I cry really easily.

I used to get really embarrassed that I cried easily. Not to get on a soapbox but crying historically means you’re weak, too emotional, and/or incompetent. I think part of documenting my cries and discussing them on the internet is me erasing the embarrassment I’ve felt every time I’ve been told I’m too emotional or “too much.” 

So maybe I should be embarrassed that I cried 81 times this year. But embarrassment is fake! If I still felt embarrassed at every little thing, there’s no way Makenmems would exist. I’m grateful for my emotions and my ability to document them, along with the rest of my silly little life. Makenmems will forever be my favorite hobby and greatest accomplishment. I don’t say this because I think it’s high quality writing or groundbreaking at all, but because I think it’s brave to articulate my thoughts and feelings and share them with whoever wants to read them. I feel so strongly that my words here are the most accurate reflection of who I am. 

I think part of this whole thing is wanting to feel seen and known. I want confirmation that my hopes and fears aren’t unique. I want validation that my thoughts mean something. I want to tell a story. 

I’ve ended up on quite the tangent. I was just going to talk about how silly it is that I’ve documented every time I’ve cried in 2023. Anyways, to wrap it all up, I’m thankful for this year. I’m thankful for this corner of the internet I created for myself. I’m thankful for the friends and family I’ve cried with, both happy and sad tears. I’ll probably cry just as much in 2024! I hope I do; it means I’m experiencing and feeling and enjoying the world.