Silly & sentimental & oversharing
My mom has a lot of sayings. One of her favorites is “never let them see you sweat,” and I have tried to embody that in most settings. I’d say for the most part I usually do a good job. I’m a textbook extrovert and constantly juggling more than I can probably handle, while telling everyone I can handle more if they need me to. I like the role I’ve created for myself, but sometimes I think the Leo rising within me overshadows a softer and extremely sentimental part of me.
It’s very difficult for me to be vulnerable, with myself and in almost any relationship. Yet, I simultaneously pour my heart out into the Pages of my MacBook and post the link to my innermost thoughts on my Instagram story, for every casual acquaintance and former fling to see. I’d be lying if there wasn’t a little bit of fear inside of me each time I publish something. But then again, I know a lot of people just tap through my story and don’t give my innermost thoughts a second look. But the fact that I give everyone the option to is very bold in my opinion. And I’m proud of myself each time I do it.
This is me in my most vulnerable form. I feel most comfortable articulating my little thoughts in this space, instead of out loud to the people around me in real life. And considering I’m typically a big oversharer, how silly is that? Sometimes I have fleeting thoughts of embarrassment from this little project I started a couple years ago, but I usually really enjoy showing Makenmems to people. I feel like it’s a gateway into my personality that many don’t really get the opportunity to see.
This is where I celebrate my biggest and smallest moments. I look back and cringe at my first few blogs, but I don’t delete them because they show how I’ve grown. My writing grows up with me, and I’m really thankful I have this archive of my early adulthood. Putting words onto a page is like therapy for me, in addition to the real therapy that I do semi-regularly attend.
And even if the only people who read my words are my best friend and mother, I’ll be content. I have all the analytics turned off for this site; I have no idea if 4 or 100 people read it, and to be honest, I don’t really care. This space is dedicated to me and my sentimentality. Because, at the end of the day, if I am anything it is a sentimental bitch. I usually feel really silly for being sentimental. But! Being sentimental means I care and in case you’ve forgotten, Indy Blue said it’s cool to care! I care a lot about people, places, things, and imaginary ideas, and I’m proud of that. And I hope people in real life see that vulnerability in me, even my casual acquaintances and former flings.
